We’re told it’s good to get lost… but I’m a bit lost.
I feel like my ‘research’ and my ‘practice’ have got a bit separated. I’ve been busy looking for things to read and write about, and I’ve been working away in the studio. But everything feels a bit nebulous. On reflection, this was inevitable. My subject matter is me. My attempt to understand and express who, what, and why I am; to find an identity and validation in a confusing, complicated and mysterious world of information overload.
I’m also a bit neuro-atypical and have some mental health issues. And I’m interested in almost everything, to some extent. Consequently, resolving such loose concepts and varied interests into searchable topics that yield relevant material has been challenging. I’ve found myself delving into deep philosophical and psychological texts alongside artist monographs and works on music theory. I’m not at all sure that any of this disparate mix of sources are actually leading me anywhere.
In spite of this sense of being somewhat adrift, I can feel that all this ‘stuff’ is feeding my brain. Even though the reading doesn’t feel like it’s all making sense and lighting my way forward, some things are connecting with what I’m doing in the studio. I realize as I’m writing that this is probably how it should be.
The black and white painting I’m currently working on has been influenced by Ian McKeever’s work, which I talked about in an earlier blog, both in terms of the making of it and also the development of the concepts behind it. The idea is to gradually layer white over a black ground in an attempt to create a sense of space, light and depth that comes out of the canvas rather than going away behind the picture plane.
The techniques involved are quite different to those of the colour painting I’m working on alongside. Here the paint is applied in very thin washes, or glazes, to gradually build up shifting shapeless forms of white over a writhing grey form on a black ground. This involves lots of water sprayed on the canvas, which is laid flat, so that the paint can be brushed out and flow into mist like layers. There’s a lot of time spent waiting for it to dry.
This means I’m working in a very particular mode with this painting. It’s slow, deliberate and considered. There’s also a pre-existing idea of a composition and an effect I’m working towards, so there’s a lot of time spent looking and contemplating the next step. It will be interesting to see whether this imbues the finished painting with a sense of time, as McKeever tries to embody in his work.
Puddles of very watery paint gradually settle into misty forms…